When Showing Up As A Creator Means Giving Yourself A Break

Ev Chapman
July 12, 2021

Yesterday was the first time in 105 days in which I didn't publish an atomic essay.

After watching the Twitter threads masterclass with Dickie & Cole I decided I wanted to execute on a Twitter thread I'd been thinking about.

Two hours later I hit publish.

I could have shipped, I had plenty of essays in my up next pile to work on. But I didn't. I had more than shown up for myself as a creator. So why did I feel so guilty, so worried? It felt weird and wrong and I wondered if I'd even made the right decision.

Would I lose the respect of the community?

I'm in the #shipeverydamnday crew. Would I suddenly lose the respect of my crew? Would they toss me out because I wasn't pure-blooded anymore and had stained the ship with a Twitter thread?

Would one day lead to more days off?

One of the reasons I kept going after 30 days was because I was afraid if I stopped I wouldn't start again. It's a pattern I've repeated over and over again in my life. This essay proves that old Ev wrong.

Could I still consider myself a creator?

Atomic essays very quickly became the way I showed up as a creator every day. Without them could I still call myself a creator? How would I measure that? A thread doesn't fit the same into the nice little box I had created for myself.

Atomic essays are still my favourite way to show up as a creator, to crystallise thoughts, to get my writing out into the world. And I think it will always feel a little weird to not ship, a little naughty.

But my only commitment to myself is to show up every day as a creator.

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